Love always trusts

 

Love always trusts - Link to podcast

The lovely Sue has a saying.  It’s better to be married to a goat than a fox.  She generally trusts me, however she let me choose the frames for my glasses once but has never trusted me to do it again.  

What she means by this is that it’s better to put up with how simple and unsophisticated I am than to have to manage someone who is deceitful and sly.  

The lovely Sue says my most endearing quality is my honesty and simple goodness.  Maybe I am just too lazy and uncomplicated to be scheming and crafty.  

Whatever the qualifications an important element of loving someone is to trust them.  To not feel the need to micromanage them and second guess them.  To allow space in the relationship for time apart and to mix with other people in ways that give freedom and scope for other significant relationships.   

  

The lovely Sue only has one leg and so always comes up with these lame excuses as to why she cannot join me on long trail run or at Parkrun every Saturday.  I go running and do exercise with other people and Sue trusts me to enjoy their company and find friendship without fearing that it will threaten our marriage.  Sue also has sets of friends who love to go for coffee and get their nails painted and visit shopping centers for hours on end and I am so grateful for the balance this brings into our lives.  It’s healthy to have a variety of friends and activities otherwise relationships can become a bit smothering.   

1 Corinthians 7 says Love always trusts and by this we mean that love expects the other to tell the truth and to be honest.  To do what they say they are going to do, to be reliable and to avoid anything that would place the relationship in jeopardy.  

But trust can be broken and people who loved and put their trust in someone are often very hurt and find it hard to fully trust again when they are betrayed.  So how do we trust anyone knowing how susceptible we all are to selfishness and stupidity?  It’s a risk!

 

One thing that has always made sense to me is the emotional bank account.  The idea that we make emotional and trust deposits and withdrawals into each relationship.  For example, If I cook Sue a lovely breakfast, clean up after and have time to sit with her and chat over a proper cup of coffee I have made a deposit in the account right there.   But if I have an argument with her and am disrespectful, that is a withdrawal. I guess an affair or a slap in the face is the equivalent of a 5 million dollar withdrawal and is very hard to rebuild.  However consistent deposits can build up over time and trust can be rebuilt.  To love someone is also to find the appropriate place for grace and forgiveness and to give someone another chance.  One stupid mistake could bankrupt an account unless there are some renegotiations and the debt is cancelled.  

Once again I need to stress there is no place for abuse in any relationship and boundaries are important here.  We do need to stay safe from people who have repeatedly proven to be damaging and untrustworthy.  However we are also stuck with the reality that our loved ones will fail and make mistakes and we can refuse to ever trust them again or find a way to do a spectacularly loving thing and trust someone who does not deserve it.  Love thrives in an environment of trust but shrivels up in a spirit of distrust.  

I told the story of a guy named Hans in one of my earlier podcasts.  A guy from the Salvos Streetlevel mission who stole our ute and our coffee van at various points, but because he was sorry and demonstrated a change of heart we allowed him responsibility to serve again and again in our community.  He did not always get it right, but trusting him has been a huge part of him finding some recovery and believing in himself again.  We were able to keep loving him because we gave him another chance and that love impacted him deeply.    Overall Hans has been a very positive and helpful member of this community over the years.  

The lovely Sue once allowed me to choose my own glasses after some ten years of glasses wearing where she always was with me at the selection of the frames.  Well the one time I did select the frames myself, my daughter posted a photo of the old man from the pixar movie “Up” next to a picture of me and it received widespread attention and humorous comments.  I have never been permitted to choose my own glasses since then.  So the lovely Sue does trust me, but she’s not stupid and monitors the variety of ways that I can be more of a goat than she is comfortable with.  

Bless ya,

Bryce