Kindness has been described as the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change.
I had a conversation the other day with an older lady who had a point of view that was very different to mine. I am well humored and a slick talker and before I knew it she felt offended and left the conversation.
Now I have been reflecting on this and now realise that dealing well with situations like this is not simple. On the one hand, when given the choice between being right or being kind, we should always try to choose kind!
On the other hand, there are times when truth telling is important and if people get offended, well so be it.
Jesus' attitude to the Pharisees is a good example. He was clearly not kind when he called them a brood of vipers and whitewashed tombs; it was personal and it was direct. No fuzzy innuendo here. A veritable smack across the head with a four b two.
So how do we live out the idea that love is kind?
The essence of kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle. If I have made a mistake, as has happened on occasion, kind people guide and correct me in a spirit of love and gentleness. This works well if I am flexible and open-minded enough to listen and receive the correction. It's not effective at all though, if I am rigid and stiff necked about my shortcomings or foolishness.
I barrack for Collingwood in the AFL and have done so for my whole life. I made this monumental decision when was 5 years old and to be honest it has been the source of considerable misery and ridicule throughout my life, but my mind is made up. I am a pies supporter. No argument will persuade me to swap clubs. It is a completely irrational and stubborn stance. But I’m not budging.
You can’t put new wine into old wineskins, not because they are old, its just because they are inflexible and will not stretch when the new wine ferments and expands and so the skin splits and the wine spills out. So I am told. I am stubborn and inflexible when it comes to Collingwood. I am like an old wine skin.
There have been times when the lovely Sue and I have had words. She has sometimes been unable to see the wisdom of my ways and despite my almost flawless logic, sensitive timing and complete unselfishness, she has not been receptive to the point of view I was presenting. I was aware that she too had a point of view, but I was not convinced that it was right and so proceeded powerfully onward with my point of view. Often disrespectfully. The result was not pretty. A dark, month long blizzard in Alaska comes to mind.
Over time, with some wise and loving if not somewhat direct counsel together, where I was described as a steamroller and enough time in the cold to find the motivation to genuinely reconsider my approach, I have learned to listen more, to consider and respect the lovely Sue’s point of view and to just be a lot more kind.
Kindness has been described as the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change.
Most people know when they are behaving badly and are not expecting kindness from the people who are affected by it. People who are messy and need help are entitled to some welfare support from the government or agencies like the salvos, but they are not really expecting kindness. Not heartfelt genuine kindness as they feel they have nothing to repay it with, and when they get some, it creates a loving atmosphere where honesty and vulnerability feels safer. Where solutions to problems can be discussed in a spirit of mutual respect and authentic concern.
I was at Maroochydore last week and a guy in his 40s came to see us to pick up his welfare card with $100 bucks on it to help him through some tough times. He was a pretty scraggly looking sort of fellow, but the ladies gave him his card and paused for a chat and listened to some of his stories. I invited him for a hit of ping pong and we played for maybe 5 minutes as he needed to go somewhere else. But 5 minutes of ping pong was enough time for him to share about a recent grief in his life and for him to have a few genuine laughs. His heart rate increased a little as we played and he felt better. IN this tiny window of time we made the first steps towards shifting the encounter from welfare transaction to friendship. A small act of kindness was important and effective.
I got his number and we are playing ping pong again this week.
Kindness is a way of life for some people. They just wake up and look for ways to be kind. I reckon they are happier than the people who hold their kindness close to their chest and reserve it for only certain people. Go on try a little kindness.
Bless ya,
Bryce
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